For those of us who are time-poor (myself included), here is the general gist of this blog post:

Don’t buy a Toyota Camry and then complain later because what you actually wanted was a Toyota Yaris.

The photographs of me that you will find on my website were taken by a professional photographer in 2014. The only time that Photoshop was used on these images was to conceal a small tattoo and remove part of a bra strap that could be seen under my white dress.

Little did I know that a year later I would suffer a potentially life-threatening injury to my back that would cause me to gain a ridiculous amount of weight.

New clients were made aware of this, however. Anyone who has ever emailed me and asked to make a booking will recall me warning them that I am now heavier that my website photos. I would never want to disappoint anyone. Imagine your fury if you were expecting delivery of a Yaris and then suddenly a LandCruiser appeared in your driveway?

I’ve been trying to get some sort of definitive answer this morning as to what qualifies someone as a BBW (Big Beautiful Woman). From what I can gather, there is no hard-and-fast rule. One site suggested that wearing clothing of US size 12/AU size 16 and over qualities someone as a BBW. Another site suggested that a US size 14/AU size 18 is the determining factor.

The problem is that many of the jeans in my wardrobe are US size 10/AU size 14. Most of my shirts and tops are US size 6 or 8/ AU size 10 or 12. So, do I now change my marketing to BBBW (Borderline Big Beautiful Woman)?

Yes, this is a largely superficial industry and perhaps by being a part of it, I have waived my right to get offended when people use terms like “chubby”, “fat”, “larger-sized”, ‘plus-sized”, “chunky”, “non-petite”, “bigger”, and“curvier” in regards to my appearance.

But do you know what? It still hurts. This hurt is multiplied when I have seen a client, done everything to ensure that he had an excellent time, and then read later in a review exactly how many references he makes to how ‘large’ I am.

Perhaps if I was a full-time escort, and didn’t have to fit my escorting activities around a full-time job, study etc, I would look like a svelte stick.

So, here’s what I’ve decided about the rights of the client. You don’t have the right to buy a Camry and then make your displeasure known to the world because you later realised that you should have bought a Yaris. You also don’t have the right to make me feel bad about myself because I am not Yaris-sized at this moment.

Do you know the best bit about the escort industry? It is home to so many beautiful Toyotas! From the Yaris, through to the Prius, Corolla, Aurion, Camry, RAV4, Kluger, Prado, LandCruiser- there is an absolute plethora of choice out there! The other great thing about the escort industry is the lack of obligation. The client is not so starved for choice that he has no choice but to ‘settle for’ me. I’m not so desperate for money/clients that I have to see men who make me feel uncomfortable or bad about myself.

Right. With that said, I can get on with my day. I have a gym class to attend, broccolini to steam and devour. I have a bicycle to ride and adventures to go on. I have a few lovely clients to spend time with who are sensible enough to focus on how I make them feel, rather than how I look.

x Mischa

P.S. As an escort, I don’t particularly care which model of car you are. However, I do care that you’ve been washed and detailed very recently, and that your interior is genuine.

P.P.S. I slouch. My Mum is always telling me to pull my shoulders back. I slouch out of habit because I was the tallest girl in my class during my early teens. I slouched to make myself look shorter. I stopped growing at 173cm, which I’m happy with, and which is also clearly written on my website. (Unfortunately the slouch has remained and I have to work on this, lest I look like Quasimodo when I’m 60 years old). Unlike my weight, I can’t do anything about my height. If I suspect that a client has a problem with my height, then I will wear flat shoes instead of heels. In fact, feel free to request this! However, if my height is an issue for you that you may feel compelled to comment on later, then I’m not the escort for you.

P.P.P.S. Thanks to the gentleman genius who told me that I was a "sexy Camry" this morning.